I scratched my first race while in the top 10

User stories
#1

This is not a story about succes but about the darker side of ultracycling. I am not looking for tips as such, but rather want to tell about when it sucks.

So, I had this race of 1000 km planned in Germany. The NorthRace Westphalia. 1000 km with approx. 10000m climbing over 10 CP’s. My attempt was to finish and to challenge myself.
I was supernervous at the start after a bad hot night in the sleeping accomodation the organization provided us. I don’t want to blame them, because the pre-race meeting was great with many cyclists and proper pasta. I definitely recommend the race.

After a neutralized start I started strong but after two hours I felt I blew my doors so I had to calm down. Nevertheless I arrived 6th at CP1. At CP2 I ran out of water which was annoying and not very pleasant. My mind however stayed mostly positive. I found water closeby a steep climb in the Eiffel mountains.
The general feeling was 7 or 8 out of 10. Of course moments around 4, but I am used to the little swings and I could handle them well.

To CP3 I felt like going superslow, but found myself back on P4. That gave me a boost.
CP4 was on home ground in NL, and I passed closeby house. That realisation appeared to be the killer. My homesickness kicked in superhard and I lost appetite. I still ate a McDonalds menu.
The fact that night was approaching didn’t help. I called with my parents and texted with friends (and Pav) but the feeling got worse and worse. The voice of homesickness was louder than all the other voices in my head together. Stupid me, emotions are not interested in facts. The facts were I was doing pretty well at the moment though I was tired.
I scratched at CP4, being tired but in a good shape and position.

That was my first ever ultra. Regret about scratching yes, though I would not recommend the feeling to anyone else. I challenged myself, but didn’t really turn it into something positive.
Also realizing it is a process from which I don’t know the destination.

A last quote I stumbled upon back home: Lessons are in the past, chances are in the future.

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#2

Thank you for sharing this store. I can really relate to it. The first few ultras can be really tough. The mind is the biggest limiter in these events. I have scratched many times and found that once I got a few finishes my mind quietened a lot. I know that @Guystapleford has had a hard time too. I look forward to following your journey.

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#3

Wow thanks. Mentality is definitely a big limiter.
In case you are interested you can find me on IG: _superver

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#4

Likewise, thanks for sharing. It can be a real kicker to scratch. I was on a 1000 that went 200mtrs past my door, I blew that one and have done so on other events for various reasons. Learning not to beat myself up but to be generous to myself, to learn and adapt for the next one have been key to feeling okay. Roll on the next.ride Ultrathom.

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#5

thankyou for sharing your experience. What I’ve learned is that keep pushing is the most important, and when its dark: go to sleep. Keep pushing is beating yourself, I consider it as a kind of generosity but with a procastinated hapiness. Likewise: scratching appears as a kind of generosity, but its a beat up for the future. Of course only when you keep scratching for reasons like this. If it’s a one time only experience: it is a lesson.

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#6

Agree with your last sentence completely :slight_smile:

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#7

It might not mean a lot, but you are still super inspiring to me :wink:

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