OK - this thread - one line answer only and no explanation 
You know you’re a cyclist when…
You put more lotions and creams on your Butt than any other part of your body!
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…and have more different lubes and oils in your workshop than cremes in your bathroom.
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That was going to be mine!
Have more bike shoes in your closet than all the others combined.
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Weirdly I only have two pairs of cycling shoes.
I am up to … ok, I better not tell … I mean you need a set of indoor ones, a deep winter set, a not-quite-deep-winter pair, the we got the go-fast-on-the-flat and the go-fast-on-the-climb ones (well, actually 2 pairs each, because one could get wet the day before). And then you got the issue of whether black or white goes better along with the sock choice of the day. And then not to forget the emergency spare set with the different cleats, so you can ride your buddies bike …
I would think that 7 is the bare minimum you can get away with. And that does not include the ones you got just because they looked cool (like my yellow Mavic Ultimate SL ones) …
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Your bike costs more than your car
Yeah - that’s a good one
Easy one. I don’t have a car (handed it over to my son). However if we are talking about my wife’s car, then I need to add a few more bikes to the collection 
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I think @pav had some fun content on this not long ago! How about when you give a full lane of space when passing other cyclists in your car!